Overwhelmed

I really don't know what happened yesterday. I just became very overwhelmed, almost feeling suffocated. Not the panicky type attack; I know what those are because they come on whenever I have to drive over a very high bridge. No, not a panic attack, just overwhelmed. Usually I have tactics that I use to compose myself. But this time, my tactics didn't work. I tried to take "my thoughts captive." You know those thoughts you have about situations going on in your life that you can't control but are driving you crazy. I actually visualize grabbing the thoughts all up like a cowboy rounding up a herd and then taking the roped herd of thoughts and putting them back into a corral. My other tactic is to focus on this day. I visualize a telescope looking straight ahead. If I turn the telescope to the left, I realize that I can't change yesterday. If I turn the telescope to the right, it's about tomorrow and tomorrow has enough worries, so I just try to focus on this day. It could have been a physical thing; three days prior I found myself talking to God saying, "I have nothing else to give so you are going to have to do the talking." I decided later that was probably a good place to be; a place where I could do no damage because I didn't have the strength to talk too much. A friend hugged me during my little pity period yesterday and felt a strap under my shirt that was twisted. She said, "You're twisted, honey." I agreed (you've got to find humor)! Following my little "episode", I reluctantly went to lunch with some friends. Nothing like a group of girls just talking through stuff, not that we really talked through anything specific, but we did that aerial view of life. Today, a friend of mine at work who knew about all my ins and outs last week said it wasn't about what was happening that moment. Plain and simple, the dam broke. All of the circumstances of life, the extreme pain and pleasure, responsibilities and frustrations were building against my emotional dam. Some of the "water" had trickled over in the last few days. But at that moment yesterday, an emotional tsunami rolled over all my tactics and tricks, drowning out the voice of reason. And, so I was all washed up emotionally, emptied again of strength. I am so thankful that the God I worship and adore is a God of new beginnings. Every sunrise is a reminder of a new start. I'm all dried off, the herd is in the corral once more and I'm ready to face the day.