One Year Ago Headlines that Weren't in the News

 

    It was just another Friday in March.  The cold dismal days of winter had lingered and crept into the space that was reserved for spring.  Disappointment and rejection seemed to have marked January and February.  The two most important things in her life were family and theater.  Two months had passed from the disappointing phone call with her birthmother and now she had come to terms with the rejection she felt from not getting a principal role in her last play as a senior in high school.  She made the best of it though, pouring herself into the role she was assigned and more importantly into the cast and crew.  She never did anything half way.

    It was Friday and like most mornings, we were running late.  She got in the door as the tardy bell rang.   After four years of trying to beat the bell, it really didn’t matter anymore if she was late or not. It was just another Friday.   “Senioritis” had long settled in like a misty fog that lingered all day.    Everything was predictable and yet everything was about to change.

    After dropping her off, I had driven onto work.  It was a normal Friday morning without any hint that normal was about to be redefined for us.  When I saw my cell phone buzz with Taylor Anne’s face, I could have predicted what she wanted.  Was it lunch money she needed put into her account through the computer?  Was it a check for a theater competition that was due at 3:00 that day?  Was it a book she forgot at home and was trying to track down her dad to bring it to her?

    Her voice was an octave higher than normal and the words tumbled out that she was in the guidance counselor’s office.  My mind bounced around quickly, was she hurt? Did someone hurt her?  She continued,  “I got a personal facebook message from some guy who says he might be my uncle, the message was sent January 26, I just didn’t see it!”  I felt my breath rush right out of me as excitement and possibility ran in. The practical side of me slapped me in the face with the thought was that he was a stalker.  She was young, beautiful, and always put everything about herself out there.  No secret she was adopted.

    She went back to class somehow returning to her normal routine that day.  I scrambled into action, calling a girlfriend to get on facebook with me and help me dissect everything we could learn about this potential stalker.   Before an hour went by, my heart melted as it appeared to me that this person could very well be related to Taylor Anne but we were  cautious in proceeding waiting on verification through a mediator which took three more weeks.

    On March 22, 2013, Taylor Anne was given such a huge gift.  A piece of the puzzle of her life had come into the light.  How did they find her?  How did they know her name?  At that point it really didn’t matter.  We had more questions than answers that day but we also had more hope that this message sent was an answer to Taylor Anne’s prayers and desires that began as a little girl to meet her family.  This date will be marked in our family history as the day that changed all of our lives, especially Taylor Anne.  Most importantly, it serves as a reminder that Our Great God goes before us, planning out every step.  His Working unknown to us, turning a normal day into an extraordinary picture of His Grace not just for us but for all who were watching and for all of Tay’s family, those known and about to be known.

An Amazing Journey - Part 8 - Kindred Spirit

A little over a mile south of Sunset Beach, on a remote part of Bird Island stands a single mailbox with the words "Kindred Spirit."  This mailbox has notebooks that contain stories, prayers and chronicles of travelers who hiked to this spot.  Taylor Anne's Uncle Kyle took me recently to this special mailbox and there I sat on the bench and read through several entries.  Some of the entries grabbed at my heart: "Dear Kindred Spirit, I am 9 years old and I don't know why the kids at my school make fun of me..." While other entries made me want to stand and applaud:  "Dear Kindred Spirit, my husband just returned after serving in Afghanistan..."  Of course, you can only imagine how my own entry started:  "Dear Kindred Spirit, you'll never believe this most amazing journey that we find ourselves on...."

The Urban Dictionary defines “kindred spirit” as people who make a special connection because of sharing a bond that draws them together.  This is a perfect description of how we feel about Taylor Anne’s newly discovered birth family. When we left off in May, our last journal entry was Taylor Anne’s incredible first time meeting of her dad and many have asked since that time, “how are things?” and “are they what she expected?”

Back in April when Taylor Anne first met her grandparents, after reading the blog earlier before she had met her dad, one of the pastors approached us from our church and felt like the feelings that Tay’s Memaw had throughout the years could be a great illustration for an upcoming message series called “Heaven” and being reunited with loved ones.  Of course, for  her Memaw, she never envisioned she would meet Tay this side of eternity.  As the segment was videotaped, I felt like the actual taping of this story was probably more important to Tay than the original intent of capturing this story.  The excellent video photographer, Eric prodded her to talk about the day she found out her birthmother had said ‘No’ to a meeting.  This was the first time in six months that Tay actually talked about that day out loud and it was the first time the tears flowed from heartache.  Although difficult to watch (it actually ripped my heart out), Tay was very strong and continued to tell the great reunion that was about to unfold.  Tay’s desire is for people to watch the video to understand that everyone lives with heartache and that heartache made the reunion with her father’s family even that much more special.  A couple of things she wants to convey also, is this reunion led to her greatest gift and that was meeting her dad and also through conversations with him, he never wanted to give her away but agreed to this plan at the urging of the birthmother’s father.  You can watch this video at https://vimeo.com/69594635.  Get out your Kleenex!  (If the first link doesn't work, try it at you tube:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edGdtl8SExc)

There have been so many wise words that have come our way.  Tay has the blessing of realizing she

is greatly loved by three fathers! First, from God as her Heavenly Father, she realizes that she is loved by Him and in Him she is complete as a daughter.   (And if that’s all she had, that would be enough.)  Secondly, she has the love from her daddy, Jimmy who has exhibited unconditional love throughout her life.  Thirdly, now she is blessed to be loved by her dad (we drop the biological and birth part) and for an adopted child, this love is perhaps, humanly speaking, one that brings most fulfillment (at least what we are witnessing right now).   It assures you that you weren’t just an accident, an afterthought or not wanted.  The love they have for each other is as natural as when you see your child for the first time and something inside of you blooms.

This family is serious about inviting her into their lives.  It’s just not been a one-time, “we wonder-who-you-are” meeting.  Her dad and his wife returned to her graduation party here in our home and were introduced to everyone by her as her dad.  I personally think that was the greatest graduation gift anyone gave her, for him to allow her to introduce him as her dad to all the people she cared about, not being concerned about what people thought.   Her Memaw, Papa and

Uncle Kyle returned on graduation day to cheer her on.  Not even cancer surgery less than a week earlier could stop her Memaw from coming (and by the way, she is just fine).  Last month she spent the weekend at her grandparent’s home.  Her Memaw planned a special luncheon for her girlfriends and told the story of finding her granddaughter and as they finished with prayer before they ate, the doorbell rang and there stood Taylor Anne to meet her friends.  What excitement to meet the granddaughter they had just learned about!   Tay planned the perfect “Pajama Party” for them since they

had never had an overnight with their granddaughter.  Papa and Uncle Kyle took her boating, tubing and jumping off high rocks!  There are many memories to catch up on.  She also spent the weekend at the beach with them and enjoyed making cookies with Memaw, fixing Tay’s famous “Angel Sauce” and all the fun of playing on the beach.   

Just last weekend, she visited her dad.  As I watch pieces of this story unfold, there are some “side” people who really are outstanding and one of those is her dad’s wife.  It’s one thing to be told by your husband before you are married that I have a daughter out there somewhere that could reappear into my life and your wife agrees with you that when that time comes, she too would welcome this unknown daughter.  It’s another thing when three years later, this beautiful daughter appears unexpectedly and this wife meant exactly what she said.   She has been at his side during each visit and when Taylor Anne visited their home, her kindness put Taylor

Anne right at ease and she treated her as a daughter and shared her home and their son with Tay.   When I dropped Tay off to begin her weekend, her dad picked her up half way.  You can imagine she was nervous; after all she had only been with him twice and both of those times they were surrounded by people.  As I drove away, my head said, “you just dropped off your daughter with a man that you’ve only met twice” and my heart said “she’s finally with the person whose she’s most connected with and loves so much” and I had perfect peace.   They shared a great weekend together and two things jumped out at her – he introduced her as “his daughter” and that made her heart soar.   Also she got to meet, play with and love on her little brother and her dad said that his son will always know his sister since he is so young and she will always be in his life (a confirmation in her heart of more memories to come).  They created so many memories with her at the beach, eating in their favorite restaurants, and sharing a love for fashion and shopping (I’ll let you decide who she connected on with that one!)  When I picked her up two days later, she said she could hardly wait until the next time they are together again (actually she didn’t stop talking for the hour and half ride back!)

Our lives are different now.  We are living in a new reality and there’s not one thing about it that we would change.  Tay is headed to Canada this week with her best friend’s family, making plans for more family visits and will be going to Appalachian State University in less than a month.  There is no anger towards her birthmother by Tay.  I still struggle with her decision but I don’t pass judgment on her.  There is hope that one day she changes her mind and allows this beautiful, blond hair, blue eyed daughter into her life.  Oh, what a blessing she is missing out on!  That’s our prayer.  Tay herself has said that even if that doesn’t happen this side of eternity, she is so blessed to be loved by her dad and his family and that will be enough for her.  We still stand in awe of our Father’s plan and path for our daughter. As God said to Israel, we see this true in our lives: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

I Love My Life!

Yesterday morning wasn’t a good one in the scheme of things. It began at 4:30 am waking up to a splitting headache, trying to pretend it didn’t exist if I lay still enough. Finally after an hour of pretending, I stumbled to the kitchen, drank a small cup of milk and swallowed a couple of Advil. Two hours later the Advil hadn’t made it past my stomach. With an excruciating headache, nausea set in and rather than going to my bloodstream to relieve my headache, the pain killer ended up in the toilet relieving whatever pains were in there!

I Love my Life!

As a pastor’s wife, Sunday’s are not a good day for a headache to take up residency. I got myself together and headed to Crosspoint Church to help the set-up team construct the preschool/nursery area. Between not feeling like eating, no pain medicine, pounding headache and the set-up area being 110 degrees, my attitude of perseverance melted like a snowman wanting to make some hot tea. Two hours later, with 10 preschoolers running, 8 babies crying next to me and a room set at 110 degrees (and a partridge in a pear tree), I decided to vacate early and retreat to the couch in the comfort of my own home.

I Love my Life!

I truly wasn’t sick with a virus but looking back at the week, it’s no wonder I woke up with a pounding headache. Tuesday afternoon included a trip to visit a new friend at the hospital. I went as the “Pastor’s Wife,” to meet and chat with a young girl who had attended our church a few times. I came away as the “Blessed One” listening to someone in their early twenties talk about a serious disease that is not curable. Yet, she conveyed a determination to make a “difference in the world,” by educating people about this disease and helping local chapters raise awareness and money. My life was richer that day listening to her.

I Love my Life!

Wednesday, after working in the office, I headed home to clean house and get ready for a small group of couples who meet in our home each Wednesday. This small group usually involves a study of life topic and includes mostly couples who have teenagers. I am so blessed to have these couples in our lives. If you have teenagers, you understand the roller coaster ride of highs and lows and it’s great to have couples who can share and encourage one another on this journey. Such was the case on Wednesday night, where words of “I understand” and “I care” were warmer than the gas fireplace.

I love my Life!

Thursday began with a Happy Birthday to my husband! It’s a true gift to have a husband who is faithful, committed, and hard-working, has a love of family, people and God. He’s never claimed to be perfect although some might expect that from him as a Pastor. He’s simply the best and a gift from God. Thursday afternoon was a little “me” time, to wash that gray right out of my hair. Not a good sign, when you walk in the door and my hair stylist/worker of miracles says, “You want me to take care of that mustache too?” I looked around to see if she was really speaking to me! Later that evening I joined a group of friends at another small group. I just love the honesty in this group. There were statements like “I don’t agree,” “I don’t understand,” and “I struggle with this.” Pure honesty in the middle of life, no pretense, no fancy words, no great explanations, just a group journeying through life together, respecting each others beliefs. Not a group you stuff into a pretty box and put a bow on it and say, “There it’s done!” I think the “love for each other” rises above the differences and mutual respect reigns in place of judgment and arrogance.

I Love my Life!

Friday kicked into gear with our home being the first of two stops for the neighborhood “progressive” dinner. It becomes a marathon day of cleaning, cooking, preparing, and running. Thirty minutes before the start of the dinner, I declared everything done! Although, there were things undone, clothes stuffed in the garage, mail pushed under the bed and well, you know what you do when you get to the last half-hour!! This night of twenty people was filled with neighbors laughing, talking and caring about each other. Oh yeah, and did I mention some GREAT FOOD!!! The night ended with a “white elephant” gift exchange. Three gifts were very funny – the CLAPPER, a pair of ugly men’s bedroom slippers and an old clock that was the last gift given to a wife whose husband had recently left the family for the usual reasons. In the end, you realize the importance of your neighbors who you live with and see mostly day to day. It’s important to talk and converse outside of just pulling your car into the garage, waving and closing the door, shutting out the world and your neighbors.

I Love my Life!

Saturday morning began at 9:00 am sharp in my “old” neighborhood where my close friend was hosting the annual children’s Santa party at her house and she had asked me to come. I had a double interest as the person playing Santa was one of our “old” youth group kids who now attends and serves in our church along with his beautiful wife. Santa arrived on the fire truck, thanks to Firehouse #9, who has faithfully delivered Santa for as long as I can remember. Santa greeted everyone with “Merry Christmas Y’All!” and added, “I’m from the South Pole!” There was much laughter, hot chocolate, donuts and chatter that settled in the air and couldn’t be captured in a Yankee Candle container! My greatest blessing that morning came from my friend. She was relaying to me her very difficult week. Last week, it was her air-conditioning/heating unit that needed to be replaced completely. This week, she found herself on the side of the road with a failed transmission and failed computer circuits in her car. Two very high dollar items for a single mom whose income is very limited. I could only mutter “I’m so sorry.” With a twinkle in her eye and her hand in mine, she replied, “These are all things that are “fixable.” A very profound statement for a young mom whose husband died two years ago of a sudden heart attack and left her with two small children to care for. “Yes,” I replied, “a great way to view your last two weeks – all things that are “fixable,” indeed.” I left with a profound peace.  A gift that money could not buy.

At 11:00 am, I made my way to the little town of Van Wyck, South Carolina for their first annual Christmas Parade. I understood now, standing along the parade route, that this little town is pronounced, Van Wack!” and they took great pride in their little parade. I was there to root on my friend whose little mini horses were a part of the parade. She had encouraged me to volunteer to be the “unicycle” rider but somewhere along the way, my brain shouted NO NO don’t commit!! So, for once, I listened to my brain and just enjoyed the parade. I had an added bonus of watching the Indian Land Middle School Marching Band and my teen preschool helper paraded along playing his trumpet. The minis were perfect, parading through the streets with most dogs and kids much larger than either of the little horses. The rest of the day was spent meeting the needs of my own family. All things we all are called to do and do with great pleasure and shear exhaustion.

I love my Life!

So if all this activity was the cause of a rip-roaring Sunday morning headache, I guess I wouldn’t do anything any differently. Because I truly LOVE my life, I LOVE the people who God has placed in my path. I have heartaches, concerns, challenges, and sickness very close to me but life is meant to be lived by crying, rejoicing, praying and caring together. It seems the last three years has lead me to a place where not having all the answers is okay, having friendships with people who may be different in beliefs and attitudes is the way that Christ has called me and getting involved in people’s lives doesn’t always end with a pretty bow on top. If you’re living life, then stress levels are high, not removed. The greatest gift at Christmas is the gift of life itself and living life in relationships with each other and with God because of Jesus Christ. And, for as long as I am treading around upon this blessed Earth; I plan to live it to the fullest. Have I mentioned that I love my life?