An Amazing Journey - Part 8 - Kindred Spirit

A little over a mile south of Sunset Beach, on a remote part of Bird Island stands a single mailbox with the words "Kindred Spirit."  This mailbox has notebooks that contain stories, prayers and chronicles of travelers who hiked to this spot.  Taylor Anne's Uncle Kyle took me recently to this special mailbox and there I sat on the bench and read through several entries.  Some of the entries grabbed at my heart: "Dear Kindred Spirit, I am 9 years old and I don't know why the kids at my school make fun of me..." While other entries made me want to stand and applaud:  "Dear Kindred Spirit, my husband just returned after serving in Afghanistan..."  Of course, you can only imagine how my own entry started:  "Dear Kindred Spirit, you'll never believe this most amazing journey that we find ourselves on...."

The Urban Dictionary defines “kindred spirit” as people who make a special connection because of sharing a bond that draws them together.  This is a perfect description of how we feel about Taylor Anne’s newly discovered birth family. When we left off in May, our last journal entry was Taylor Anne’s incredible first time meeting of her dad and many have asked since that time, “how are things?” and “are they what she expected?”

Back in April when Taylor Anne first met her grandparents, after reading the blog earlier before she had met her dad, one of the pastors approached us from our church and felt like the feelings that Tay’s Memaw had throughout the years could be a great illustration for an upcoming message series called “Heaven” and being reunited with loved ones.  Of course, for  her Memaw, she never envisioned she would meet Tay this side of eternity.  As the segment was videotaped, I felt like the actual taping of this story was probably more important to Tay than the original intent of capturing this story.  The excellent video photographer, Eric prodded her to talk about the day she found out her birthmother had said ‘No’ to a meeting.  This was the first time in six months that Tay actually talked about that day out loud and it was the first time the tears flowed from heartache.  Although difficult to watch (it actually ripped my heart out), Tay was very strong and continued to tell the great reunion that was about to unfold.  Tay’s desire is for people to watch the video to understand that everyone lives with heartache and that heartache made the reunion with her father’s family even that much more special.  A couple of things she wants to convey also, is this reunion led to her greatest gift and that was meeting her dad and also through conversations with him, he never wanted to give her away but agreed to this plan at the urging of the birthmother’s father.  You can watch this video at https://vimeo.com/69594635.  Get out your Kleenex!  (If the first link doesn't work, try it at you tube:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edGdtl8SExc)

There have been so many wise words that have come our way.  Tay has the blessing of realizing she

is greatly loved by three fathers! First, from God as her Heavenly Father, she realizes that she is loved by Him and in Him she is complete as a daughter.   (And if that’s all she had, that would be enough.)  Secondly, she has the love from her daddy, Jimmy who has exhibited unconditional love throughout her life.  Thirdly, now she is blessed to be loved by her dad (we drop the biological and birth part) and for an adopted child, this love is perhaps, humanly speaking, one that brings most fulfillment (at least what we are witnessing right now).   It assures you that you weren’t just an accident, an afterthought or not wanted.  The love they have for each other is as natural as when you see your child for the first time and something inside of you blooms.

This family is serious about inviting her into their lives.  It’s just not been a one-time, “we wonder-who-you-are” meeting.  Her dad and his wife returned to her graduation party here in our home and were introduced to everyone by her as her dad.  I personally think that was the greatest graduation gift anyone gave her, for him to allow her to introduce him as her dad to all the people she cared about, not being concerned about what people thought.   Her Memaw, Papa and

Uncle Kyle returned on graduation day to cheer her on.  Not even cancer surgery less than a week earlier could stop her Memaw from coming (and by the way, she is just fine).  Last month she spent the weekend at her grandparent’s home.  Her Memaw planned a special luncheon for her girlfriends and told the story of finding her granddaughter and as they finished with prayer before they ate, the doorbell rang and there stood Taylor Anne to meet her friends.  What excitement to meet the granddaughter they had just learned about!   Tay planned the perfect “Pajama Party” for them since they

had never had an overnight with their granddaughter.  Papa and Uncle Kyle took her boating, tubing and jumping off high rocks!  There are many memories to catch up on.  She also spent the weekend at the beach with them and enjoyed making cookies with Memaw, fixing Tay’s famous “Angel Sauce” and all the fun of playing on the beach.   

Just last weekend, she visited her dad.  As I watch pieces of this story unfold, there are some “side” people who really are outstanding and one of those is her dad’s wife.  It’s one thing to be told by your husband before you are married that I have a daughter out there somewhere that could reappear into my life and your wife agrees with you that when that time comes, she too would welcome this unknown daughter.  It’s another thing when three years later, this beautiful daughter appears unexpectedly and this wife meant exactly what she said.   She has been at his side during each visit and when Taylor Anne visited their home, her kindness put Taylor

Anne right at ease and she treated her as a daughter and shared her home and their son with Tay.   When I dropped Tay off to begin her weekend, her dad picked her up half way.  You can imagine she was nervous; after all she had only been with him twice and both of those times they were surrounded by people.  As I drove away, my head said, “you just dropped off your daughter with a man that you’ve only met twice” and my heart said “she’s finally with the person whose she’s most connected with and loves so much” and I had perfect peace.   They shared a great weekend together and two things jumped out at her – he introduced her as “his daughter” and that made her heart soar.   Also she got to meet, play with and love on her little brother and her dad said that his son will always know his sister since he is so young and she will always be in his life (a confirmation in her heart of more memories to come).  They created so many memories with her at the beach, eating in their favorite restaurants, and sharing a love for fashion and shopping (I’ll let you decide who she connected on with that one!)  When I picked her up two days later, she said she could hardly wait until the next time they are together again (actually she didn’t stop talking for the hour and half ride back!)

Our lives are different now.  We are living in a new reality and there’s not one thing about it that we would change.  Tay is headed to Canada this week with her best friend’s family, making plans for more family visits and will be going to Appalachian State University in less than a month.  There is no anger towards her birthmother by Tay.  I still struggle with her decision but I don’t pass judgment on her.  There is hope that one day she changes her mind and allows this beautiful, blond hair, blue eyed daughter into her life.  Oh, what a blessing she is missing out on!  That’s our prayer.  Tay herself has said that even if that doesn’t happen this side of eternity, she is so blessed to be loved by her dad and his family and that will be enough for her.  We still stand in awe of our Father’s plan and path for our daughter. As God said to Israel, we see this true in our lives: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

An Amazing Journey- Part 7 - The Unveiling

Sometimes events we witness are enormous productions, lights, glitter, overwhelming personalities and loud noise which mislead us to believe that life’s greatest moments are best captured in the biggest and boldest events. And every now and then, our eyes are opened to witness the quiet beauty of watching creation, the sound of a whisper of wind or the gaze of one human being to another.  It’s in these moments that our hearts ponder every detail and the fragrance of the event lingers like a sweet aroma.  Such was the gift given to Taylor Anne on the days she talked with and met her birthfather.   It was a quiet unveiling of the mysteries that lingered in her mind during these past months.

I believe every child grows up with the strongest desire to be loved and the love that the parents have for their children provides the basis for the child’s mental well-being.  For Taylor Anne, we know she is secure in the fact that her parents (us) greatly love her but there is an inner yearning for her as an adopted child to be loved by her birthmother and birthfather and also to allow her to extend that love to them.  She’s always loved them, always wanted to meet them and even though she is a beautiful, confident young woman, the desire to put these pieces together has driven her especially this senior year of high school.   Sometimes the answers are not what she wanted and then other times, the response allows us a glimpse of God’s grace.  On Tuesday, April 30^th, Tay’s birthfather read a letter written by Tay expressing her love for him and asking for the opportunity to meet him.  The response was a return of affection and yes to meeting.   Tay’s heart soared as this was an opposite reaction from her birthmother earlier in the year.   Saturday, May 4^th her birthfather called her for the first time.  I’ve quoted this before, and these words have even deeper meaning after their conversation:  “Words fitly spoken are like apples of gold in bowls of silver” (Prov. 25:11). Their conversation was emotional, difficult and easy all mixed together.  It flowed freely and healing words from him comforted her soul.  The love she had for him was easily expressed and freely returned.  Although the blood connection had been there for 18 years, a new relationship was born.  The quietness of this moment was sacred.

We all knew it was important to bring Tay and her birthfather together in person quickly.  He and his beautiful wife, who also opened up her heart and life to Tay, along with Jimmy and me planned our private meeting in our home on Thursday, May 9^th.  We prayed that this day would be special for Taylor Anne and her birthfather.   We wanted it to be simple, quiet and memorable in every way.

Early that morning while the three of us were alone, Taylor Anne, whose always thinking of how someone will be impacted, gave Jimmy a gift of a ring with the engraving “forever my daddy.”   That small token was just another confirmation that the path we allowed her to take would not be one that would take her away from us but rather bind us together even more as we walk these very unusual and yet peaceful days.

There was one thing very important to Tay that her birthfather was unaware of and also something important to him without knowing Tay’s feelings.  That was that neither Tay nor her birthfather wanted to see a picture of the other.  They both wanted the first glance of each other to be in person and I thought it was very special that they both felt very strong about this even though with facebook and other media, it would have been easy to take a peek.   Tay loved that he felt the very same way.   At almost noon on Thursday, May 9^th, Taylor Anne got that first look when she opened our front door and stood face to face with this handsome man she affectionately calls “Dad.”  It was a life changing moment that we were grateful to be witnessing as Taylor Anne had her dream fulfilled.  We all spent the next couple of hours exchanging stories, looking through pictures and exploring more about the genetic make-up of our daughter.  It was surreal to see them together.  She looks like him in many ways and definitely gets her “driven” gene from him.  The time went by too quickly but they graciously invited her to visit them in their home and also to return for her graduation party.  This day was truly special, not with fireworks going off or loud festivities, but two people who gazed at each other and had a special connection and were open to the future possibilities of building relationships and creating new memories.

I think the most asked question for Taylor Anne by her friends is “how do your parents feel about this?”  It’s also the most asked question to Jimmy and me “how are you all dealing with Taylor Anne meeting her birthfather and calling him “Dad.”   We have been walking down this path with Taylor Anne since she began to understand this concept of two mothers and two fathers.  We both have perfect peace that Taylor Anne has a great understanding of who we are in her life and the roles we have played and will continue to play.  This is a very unique situation and opportunity to allow our daughter to share her love and life with this extended and beautiful family.  We better understand her now that we’ve met him, his wife and his family.   We are grateful for their willingness to remove the “veil” that kept her from understanding who she is and also to allow her to freely give the affection that she so desires to pour upon them and now so beautifully receive that affection back from them.  She moves forward with our greatest blessing.  The timing of how this unfolded was perfect. She's only 18 and now has so much time to build memories with her new family.  We never know what a day might hold with this girl and we are so blessed by God to be called her parents.